Conspiracy Phase: Ground Yourself in Relation to “Evil”.

If Spiritual growth were to have phases, like the arc of child development, Spiritual awakening also seems to have developmental phases. One overarching theme I find and as you may know, is Shadow Integration and one phase under this umbrella is the Conspiracy Phase. Conspiracy theories lead into multidimensional awareness and, if you can keep grounded as you integrate dark “truths”, you reach a phase where you understand that you are the Dark and therefore greater than it.

For example, earlier in my journey, before my activist phase, I had a “demonic” experience. As a 21-year-old, I was scared nearly to pieces. It was a prayer and rage that shook off the acute paralysis and out of body moment. It was very empowering actually. Still, it was a very intimidating experience, but since then and certainly after my postpartum initiation, I became accustomed to facing “scary entities”.

One of the modalities my mentor and I utilized to keep me alive and grounded was a technique that a psychologist created after years of hypnotherapy and counseling work. She seems to have combined subconscious work, psionic [1] exploration, and energy work. We were able to get to the root of my complexities and “face the ‘sewage’ of myself”. That often required me to face my demons.

Although, most exploration led to abstract subconscious interactions, one session we witnessed a form that looked like one literally. I complained, “Ya, that’s the one that’s been giving me trouble this whole weekend.” “Now wait”, my teacher said. As we continued the integration process the part wanted to come out of its shell, pulling at the back of its head. “Gross!”, I exclaimed. “Ew!” I judged. “Waaait”, my teacher assured me. And as it unmasked itself, it turned and looked up at me and instead of a heinous face, it was my face.

My own face! It was me. Not a demon, but my vulnerable, reborn face. That “deviant entity” was a part of me that was relieved to have my attention. I received a download and was humbled simultaneously. That aspect of me was simply deviated from the light of my heart and attention. It had to contort itself, to become separated, likely to sacrifice its wholeness so I could survive my upbringing. Now it was time to come home and only my unconditional, radical self-acceptance, and transformative awareness could do that. The love that blossomed from that integration session made it a very good rest of the day indeed.

After two years of at least six-hour-days of active healing sessions, I was practiced by the time another major patterned resurfaced. Only it wasn’t mine. It was the collective’s and it was four years later. I won’t get into the details, but another mentor from my post-partum days, an energy worker, helped me with it this time. He hadn’t integrated some of the conspiracy phase and my session helped him to. The idea of reptilians came up. I had requested to be free on all levels and all ways and, to my surprise, freedom from this form or frequency was also necessary and I was granted it.

My mentor began to reeducate me on the whole Sitchen-inspired information. I let him know that I had gone through that conspiracy phase years ago and I don’t dabble on that level anymore. He became somewhat emphatic about their influence on humanity. I listened but didn’t want to match that state too much so I gently asked him, “Why?”. “Why?” he repeated. “Yes, why do they ‘harvest our energy’?” “Well, because they have so deeply cut themselves off from source…” For some reason, as he spoke, I slipped into a Motherly energy to them and saw "them" as baby reptiles and I said, “So, they’re hungry?”  “Well, yes, I guess you could say that.” he replied. "Okay, well, let’s feed them then.”, I retorted and I “shot” a powerful golden-white light straight “up to them”.

My mentor, an elder, began to sob. Being in touch with non-ordinary truths and realities too, he immediately felt the effects. He shared that our guides were applauding this gesture to the point that it overwhelmed him. I was pleased of course, but more, I was done feeding into the “magical thinking” and “us vs them” where I am tied into a dynamic of victim-energy and naturally transcended the pattern.

To me, they were just a different aspect of me, and they were hungry, so I fed them. Just like the Shadow aspect, it simply needed some care and attention. Does that mean I am perfect? No, there are still things I need to face and transcend, but I will do so with radical acceptance, support, and a firm foot and heart in the ground.

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[1] “This power is to use internal esoteric forces/power (e.g., mind, emotions, willpower, soul, etc.) to achieve a desired outcome. The user possesses a multitude of psychic abilities in various forms…”